Jokes

[fragger]

We don't have a joke topic here yet, so... I guess... well... I'll start one. So, without further ado: Here it is.

* * * * *

A bloke's Irish neighbour bought himself a mini-excavator, and proceeded to make a hole in his backyard with it.

A few days later, the bloke looked over the fence and saw that his neighbour had now made three holes in his yard.

"Hey, Paddy!" the bloke called out. "Why did you make three holes in your yard?"

The neighbour replied, "I had to make a third one. Y'see, the first two weren't deep enough".

* * * * *

Q. What is the difference between an Australian wedding and an Australian funeral?

A. There is one less drunk at the funeral.

* * * * *

An Ukrainian migrant in Australia wanted to become a cab driver, so he went to take an eye test to get his cab license. He was shown an eye-test card, which bore two lines of letters:

CWESCZY
ZOCTAZSI

The Ukrainian looked at the card in astonishment and said, "That's incredible!"

"What's incredible?" asked the examiner.

The Ukrainian replied, "I know that guy!"

[LinkHero]

The one about the Ukainian was good. Nice one.

Here's a (crappy) one liner:
When my roommate asked me to stop imitating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.

[Art Blade]

hehehe

[PZ]

You guys are funny! 

[LowPolyOWG]

Some Norwegian car jokes.

FORD: Fiks Og Reparasjon Daglig (Fix and reparations daily)

BMW: Bedre Med Volvo ("W" and "V" is pronounced the same in Norway) Better with a Volvo

KIA: Koreansk Industri Avfall (Korean Industrial Waste)

Lada: Laget Av Diverse Avfall (Made of scrap)

[Art Blade]

 

[Dweller_Benthos]

To continue OWGKID's theme:

FORD - Fix Or Repair Daily - (that one must be universal, lol)
FORD - Found On Road, Dead - (people really don't like Ford, or it's just easier to come up with things for it)
PONTIAC - Poor Old Nasty Thinks It's A Cadillac (the Nasty might sometimes be replaced with a racial slur, I didn't think it needed to be used here)

[PZ]

 

[Art Blade]

 

[LowPolyOWG]

Nice ones, DB

[LinkHero]

A two liner this time:
Ellen always gives gifts to her guests in her show.

She truly is Ellen The Generous.

[Art Blade]

 

if you don't get it:

Spoiler

her last name is DeGeneres

I only know her because in her show they came up with an edited clip that showed Trump and Clinton dancing

[fragger]

  lol all

A few more car ones:

BMW: Bloody Money Wasted
FIAT: Fix It Again Tony
HONDA: Had One, Never Did Again
LADA: Lacking Any Driver Ability
VOLVO: Veers Over Lanes Very Often
SAAB: Swedes Assembled A Bomb

[Dweller_Benthos]

Nice, I haven't heard any of those before.

[PZ]

 

My wife has a Honda, but I love it