Jokes

[Art Blade]

Originally posted April 17, 2009

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In October 1992, the ABU support team in Bellevue sent care packages of
Starbuck's coffee, chocolate covered coffee beans, and Frangos to the North
Carolina and Texas ABU teams. This is one NC engineer's account of what
happened next....

I say, the care package you sent was a big hit
here, thanks! Below is a chronological description of the care package
consumption:

Sometime before Friday: The Care package arrives.
I resist all temptation to open the package and consume an
entire box of Frangos. Very impressive.

Friday 9:45 AM: I arrive early to w0#k and open
the care package that was hidden under my desk. I 'm amazed at all the
good stuff in side, but somewhat disappointed to find that there were
two boxes of Frango (or what ever they are calling them now)
chocolate mints: I could have eaten a box and nobody would have known. Oh
well.
I make a pot of coffee using the robust Yukon blend, and eat
three or four chocolate covered expresso beans. I send a message to NCABU
announcing the goodies.

10:00 AM: The pot of coffee is gone and ErikaPh,
my manager, makes another, which of course I have to sample. All
the items are a big hit with everybody so far, except the chocolate
covered expresso beans, which are only popular with the real coffee fans
(who absolutely love them). Not letting a good thing go to waste, I
have a couple more, a mint or two, and start on my second cup of
coffee. I notice Erika actually drank two cups from this pot, and I
start to wonder how I could approach my manager about making sure she
leaves enough coffee for the rest of the queue.

10:10 AM: The pot of coffee is out again so
HarveyY makes another. I of course must sample the Cafe Verona blend and
indulge in a few more chocolate covered expresso beans. Erika again
drinks two more cups of coffee. I frown but say nothing and in my
depression eat another Frango chocolate mint.

10:30 AM: There has been a single cup of coffee
left for some time, and not to let it go to waste, I drink it.

11:00 AM: KevinCo sees the empty coffee pot so he
makes another, and then fills my cup under protest. Erika again
drops by and fills her mug, and pilfers some chocolate covered xxpresso
beans. For some strange reason, my typing speed has increased
from, 25 WPM to 60 WPM,

11:45 AM: For some (unknown) reason, I feel agitated. To bleed of all the
excess energy coming from nowhere, I do 92 pushups while helping a
University of Oregon grad student with Excel. Out the window I notice Erika
is on her second lap running around the building. After all that exercise,
I feel thirsty, so I drink another cup
of coffee and for a snack down a few more chocolate covered expresso beans.

12:10 PM: I now notice that there are people dropping by my cube that
usually don't, in fact, I've seen the entire queue come by and sample some
goodies. I try to chat, but for some reason people seem interested in just
sampling the various yummy Frangos and the chocolate-almond mocha's. Erika
stops by for more coffee and we exchange unpleasantries. I don't recall the
exact conversation, but I do remember the phrases "useless stingy
middle-manager" and "whinny engineer". For therapy I eat a few more
chocolate covered expresso beans and try to look up how to make a car bomb
on internet's rec.pursuits.anarchy.

1:00 PM: I skip lunch, but do drink another cup of coffee and make another
pot by request. Getting bored, I pick up the Charlotte phone book and start
dialing people at random, asking if they need any help with Excel. Erika
comes by for another cup of
coffee. I miss her with the stapler, but she wings me a good one with one
of those cube coat hooks.

2:00 PM: The entire queue, I believe, is wired
with caffeine and sugar. I, being a Seattle native, am immune to these
effects. MikeNa is 10 minutes into teaching his 2nd impromptu aerobics
class. It is very interesting to watch engineers do jumping jacks while
holding their Aspect phones.

3:00 PM: HarveyY has built a small shrine for the coffee pot in the empty
cube next to me, and the low humming has started to get on my nerves:
"Huummmmm <sip> Hummmm <sip> Hummmmm <sip>." Some people, I swear.

3:30 PM: The Starbucks Guatemalan blend has been polished off, and a fight
has ensued in the hallway on whether to ration the chocolate covered
expresso beans for later or continue with the consumption. Hastily, I build
a laser pistol out of my MS Mouse card and the power supply from my Mac II
CI, and the fight quickly ends. MikeNa shows up and drags the unconscious
rebels back to their desks.

4:00 PM: If I could just talk to the cleaning people into lending me some
Drain-O, I can complete the car bomb before Erika goes home. The coffee pot
is empty again so of course I make another. Nice guy that I am, I drink a
cup to sample the brew and deem it Most Excellent. I have a couple of
Frango mints to compensate for skipping lunch.


5:00 PM: KevinCo informs me that Erika has been slipping by in camouflage
spandex to siphon off coffee with a long straw. I thank him for this
valuable intelligenceinformation. In a time-honored Seattle Male Bonding
Ritual, we eat 5 chocolate covered
expresso beans each.

6:15 PM: I send mail to the entire queue announcing a fresh pot of coffee
(after drinking a cup first) and await Erika to sneak by with glee.

6:20 PM: I caught Erika red-handed. I dodge the pen she tried to stab me
with, and landed a good blow to her left kidney. As she is crawling back to
her desk I hear her mumble something about "time to write a review".

6:25 PM I panic and in desperation, log on to the mail server with a VTP
connection. I hack my way into Erika's Xenix mail spool file and quickly
write, in the Xenix Borne C Shell, a program that will send an email
message every 30 seconds using Erika's
email name. I address it to the only people on campus at the time,
Corporate Security, and title the message, "I Want Bill Gate's Love
Child!". I "cc" ingate!ALL@ibm.com and ingate!JScully@apple.com just for
giggles and grins.

7:30 PM: Two security guards show up, one drags Erika away and the other
starts packing her desk. I laugh hideously at her shrieks of protest, and
in celebration jump in my girl friend's $p@rts car and drive around the
Charlotte Coliseum several times
at 120 MPH.

8:00 PM: I'm feeling really tired. KevinCo points out that there still an
entire box of chocolate covered expresso beans left. Not wanting them to go
to waste, we each eat half a box.

9:00 PM After successfully typing my 3rd impromptu novel while helping
Betty from Orlando with a data consolidation, MikeNa announces that the
queue has been shut off. After the phone call I drink 14 complementary
beers, and for some unknown reason, still couldn't get to sleep that night.

[PZ]

  you guys! 

[LinkHero]

Some quickies:
* * * * *
Went for an interview.
The interviewer saw that I had B. Tech and MBA.
He gave me the third degree.
* * * * *
I was a tea addict so I was advised to take tea out of my d!et.
I might just die now.
* * * * *
Following USA, Chinese currency comprises of the 2nd largest contribution to the United Nations.

I wonder, if that's the reason why United Nation's acronym is 'Yuan'...!
* * * * *
If Daenerys was spelled Denerys, she would also be called Aegon Targaryen.
* * * * *
After the death of the bar owner,there was a fight between his three sons on the possession of 11bars.
At the end, there was a lot of bargaining.
* * * * *
My friend has all the models of the I-Phone which have been released.
He has the entire siris.

[fragger]

Great quickies LinkHero

(I had to google the "Denerys" one though - I've never watched Game of Thrones).

Allow me to add another quickie:

Why did the Indian Chief enroll his boys in the yacht club?
He wanted to see his red sons in the sail set.

[LinkHero]

To be frank, fragger,  I haven't watched Game of Thrones either. However, whenever I mention this to my friends, they all look at me like I'm from some backwater place where people live in the Stone Age. Also, with so many friends watching and discussing the same old c**p, you tend to pick up a few things.

[PZ]

 

[Dweller_Benthos]

I've never watched Game Of Thrones either, mostly because it's on HBO and I gave that up ages ago after paying for it for a decade and almost never watching it.

Same goes for Breaking Bad or Walking Dead, never watched either of them. The couple times I saw an episode on, I tried watching but starting either of those shows on episode 15 of season 4 (or whatever it was) isn't going to w0#k. So it's either start from the beginning or don't bother, so I never bothered.

And to keep it on topic:

A priest, a rabbi, a horse and a prostitute walk into a bar....

The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

[PZ]

 

[LinkHero]

 
Looks like Deadpool was on bar duty....

[Art Blade]

nice, D_B

[Dweller_Benthos]

Can't claim credit, stole it from a movie called "Keeping Mum". Interesting story and has Mr Bean / Blackadder himself, Rowan Atkinson, in it. Not strictly a comedy but has funny bits.

[nex]

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading
for Midway Airport, leaned over to ask the driver
a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder
to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab,
nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and
managed to stop just inches from a large plate window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.
Then, the shaking driver said, "Are you OK?
I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologizes to the driver and said,
"I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle
someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault.
Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."

[Art Blade]

nice

[fragger]

  Good one!

[LowPolyOWG]

Had to google up "hearse". LOL, nice one