Jokes

[fragger]

Hehehe, good ones LinkHero

[fragger]

A guy goes into the pub. He approaches the bar and, looking very glum, orders a triple scotch.

"Why the long face, buddy?" asks the barman.

"I just found out my oldest son is gay", says the guy.

A week later, the same guy turns up at the bar again, looking even glummer, and orders a triple scotch.

"What's wrong now?" asks the barman.

"I just found out my youngest son is gay", says the guy.

Another week goes by, then the same guy traipses into the bar again, glum as ever, and orders yet another triple scotch.

"Geez, now what?" says the barman. "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"

"Yep", says the guy. "My wife does".

[nex]

Love it       

[Art Blade]

HAHAHA

[PZ]

 

[LinkHero]

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.

The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

"Quattro is just ze name of zefokken automobile" the German says unbelievingly. "Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons"

"You canta pulla thata one on me!" replies the Italian customs officer. "Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people ina your car and you are thereforea breaking tha law."

The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!"

"Sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come. He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno"

[Art Blade]

 

[PZ]

 

[fragger]

 

[LinkHero]

50,000 blondes met in a center for the first ever "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention

Their leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 50,000 blondes start cheering, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 50,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 50,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"

The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 50,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

[Art Blade]

 

[PZ]

 

[LinkHero]

I just learned the medical name for Viagra.

Mycoxaflopin
*****
A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he's an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.

"I think not." the horse replies.

*poof*

The horse disappears.

This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of "Cogito Ergo Sum", or "I think, therefore I am".

But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
*****
A boy walks in to class one day and he starts yelling at his classmates, seemingly out of nowhere. The teacher can tell he isn't angry, so she assumes it's a prank or a joke. She pulls the student into the hall and asks him why he's yelling. "YOU SEE, MISS," he replies, "LAST NIGHT I ACCIDENTALLY SHOWERED WITH MY MOM'S SHAMPOO." She was confused, of course, and wondered why that would make him yell. "OH, THAT'S BECAUSE I READ THE BOTTLE AS I GOT OUT OF THE SHOWER." "And?" asked the teacher, her interest peaked. "WELL, IT SAID IT GAVE LOTS OF VOLUME."
*****
So Ubisoft are giving away the French Assassin's Creed game because of the Notre Dame fire...

I guess you could say it's a fire sale.

(BTW the last one is true. The giveaway is real.)

[Dweller_Benthos]

 

But Descartes before the horse? grooooaaaannnnn

[Art Blade]

interesting, that Assassin's Creed Unity give-away. I happen to have played it and heard some of the background stories regarding the Notre-Dame. If they were able to create it like that, then the real life architects will have access to the same sources which will be quite helpful. Although UBI*bleep* didn't have full access. Some parts of the Notre-Dame were, let's say, copyrighted and not handed over to UBI*bleep*.

putting Descartes before the horse? that's deep.