Jokes

[nex]

@#$%&*!..................     

[PZ]

 

[fragger]

So there's this kid, a five-year-old boy, who has never said a word in his entire life. Not one.

One night the family is sitting down to dinner. When the boy's mother puts his food in front of him, the kid looks at it, then looks up at her and says, "Seriously? You've overcooked the chops and you know I won't eat broccoli! What do you think you're doing?"

The mother, taken aback, says, "You - you mean to tell me you can talk!? Why on Earth haven't you said anything up until now?"

The boy says, "Everything's been alright up until now".

[Art Blade]

haha, nice.

[PZ]

 

[Art Blade]

An American with a backpack comes to the US/Mexican border on a bicycle. Nothing special, he gets waved through.

Same the next day, and the next, and the border patrol starts to remember him and eventually they stop him to take a look into his backpack. Nothing in there worth declaring, so they wave him through. Day after day.

They keep checking him every once and again, frisk him, check the papers, but they never find anything so they keep waving him through. One day they decide to ask him:

"Excuse me for a moment? We've checked you and everything you got various times but never found anything. It's obvious that you're smuggling something but we can't figure out what it is. On the promise that you can keep doing what you're doing without any penalties, would you please be so kind as to tell us what the hell it is you're smuggling?"

"Bicycles."

[PZ]

 

[Dweller_Benthos]

LOL thought it might be the backpacks heh

[fragger]

 

[fragger]

This isn't really a joke, just a stupid thought that strayed into my head.

If humans ever achieve interstellar travel, and if an astronaut ever meets intelligent aliens, and if that astronaut manages to communicate with those aliens, and if that astronaut is from the Bronx, the aliens will forever know the homeworld of humanity as "Planet Oyth".

[Art Blade]

hehe, I can almost see how he invites the aliens over to his ship. One follows the invitation, takes a look, sees a Bronx Giants sticker, turns around and says, "Ight, Imma head out."

[PZ]

... the aliens will forever know the homeworld of humanity as "Planet Oyth".

[fragger]

Yesterday, I saw a guy crossing the road, and halfway across, he accidentally dropped a whole bunch of Scrabble tiles.
So I went over and asked, "What's the word on the street?"

An actor was performing in a play when the floor gave way under him and he fell through.
He's okay though, he was just going through a stage.

A man went to see the doctor and told him, "I need help, Doc. I'm addicted to Twitter".
The doctor said, "Sorry, I don't follow you".

What do Buddhists ask hot-dog sellers?
Make me one with everything.

I gave my bald uncle a comb for his birthday.
He said, "Thanks, I'll never part with it".

[Art Blade]

all of them, nice play on words

(no pun intended regarding the first and second one)

[Dweller_Benthos]

I have a friend who's a Scrabble player, I'll have to tell him that one, though he might have heard it already.