Jokes

[mandru]

"254 shades of grey."

[LinkHero]

I wanted my chef to make me some biscuits today.

But the Cookies absent.

[nex]

Mildred, the town gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the town's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old truck
parked in front of the town's only pub one afternoon.

She emphatically told George, and several others within earshot, that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.

He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his van in front of Mildred's house, walked home and left it there all night.

[BinnZ]

 

[fragger]

 

George is my kind of guy!

[PZ]

 

[Art Blade]

silent waters run deep.

[fragger]

Jack joins a new golf club. He asks the pro about a caddy, and the pro says, "Well, Tony here used to caddy for old Mr. Jenkins. But Mr. Jenkins passed away last week, do Tony can caddy for you today. He's very good, Mr. Jenkins said he always listened to Tony's advice".

"Okay", says Jack. "I'll go with Tony".

So off go Jack and Tony. For his first tee shot, Jack hits a beautiful drive, long and straight down the middle. When he reaches his ball, he estimates a 6-iron for his next shot.

"No, don't use that", says Tony. "I always told Mr. Jenkins to hit a 9-iron from here".

"Seriously?" asks Jack. "A 9-iron will never get there!" "Well, that's what I used to tell Mr. Jenkins to use", says Tony.

So Jack hits a 9-iron. The ball bounces once on the edge of the green, then rolls straight into the hole. "I'll be damned!" exclaims Jack. "I guess you and Mr. Jenkins do know what you're on about! Okay, from now on, I'll listen to you".

And so it goes. For the next 16 holes, Tony keeps making unlikely club selections, insisting that that was what Mr. Jenkins always used to do, but to Jack's surprised delight, he keeps making perfect calls. So much so that by the final hole, Jack is five under par - far and away the best game he's ever played.

The final hole is a short par 3. Jack says, "Okay Tony, what did you used to tell Mr. Jenkins to hit here?"

"Well, Mr. Jenkins always used to play a good solid driver. Hit as hard as you can".

Jack is taken aback. "A driver? On a short hole like this? That's got to be way too much club! I'll overshoot by a country mile!"

"Well, that's what I always told Mr. Jenkins to use", says Tony.

So Jack does as Tony suggests, and hits a massive drive. Sure enough, the ball sails right over the green, right over the boundary fence, and with a "ploop" disappears into the lake beyond.

"What the hell!?" exclaims Jack. "I told you! A driver was way too much club for such a short hole! Why in the world did I listen to you?"

Tony says, "Funny... That's just what Mr. Jenkins always used to say".

[BinnZ]

 

[Art Blade]

 

[nex]

 

I just knew Mr Jenkins had to be right sometime...

[mandru]

  


One holiday season there was a mom who had grown tired of cleaning up Christmas tree needles.  So after some discussion she and her husband rounded up the three kids and the whole family drove into town to buy an artificial tree.

Having made their selection they brought it to the check out counter.  The clerk at the cash register asked the dad "Are you going to put this up yourself?"

The dad answered "Don't be disgusting.  I'm going to put it in the living room."

[Art Blade]

 

[PZ]

 

[LinkHero]