Jokes

[PZ]

 

[LowPolyOWG]

"Fe" is the chemical name for iron on the periodic table. Nice chmistry joke 

[LinkHero]

This one may require a basic understanding of Indian history. Here's the short version: From the 11th century to almost the 18th century, the majority of India was under the rule of a dynasty called the Mughal dynasty. The third emperor was known as Akbar, and he had an extremely witty minister in his court called Birbal. Here ends the abridged version of Indian history 101. Now, on to the joke.



Mughal emperor, Akbar, was on his death-bed, counting his last breaths.
Upon realising the fact that he's going to die, he summoned his ace minister, Birbal, at once.
The following is an excerpt from their conversation -
Akbar - "Birbal, just promise me one thing."
Birbal - "Anything for you my lord"
A - Since I am going to die, I want you to take control and make a few changes in the kingdom rules, specifically related to whose entry is allowed and whose isn't.
B - Sure. Guide me sire.
A (completely exhausted, about to die) - Just do not allow terrorists in my court. Allow only.... Allow... All...
*Akbar dies*
Birbal shouts - "Allow who? Akbar?"

[LowPolyOWG]

 

[Art Blade]

oh man 

[PZ]

 

[LinkHero]

Here's another:

A girl in town had to audition in a role in an adult film.
From what I hear, she blew it.

[Art Blade]

 

[fragger]

 

[mandru]

At 10 yrs old Mrs. mandru's old Vista OS laptop is clearly showing its age so we bought a new laptop for her.  It's been somewhat of a task setting up the preferences and helping her become familiar with the future shock of jumping straight from her desk top's Vista into the new Win10 Creator's Version (Version? more like perversion. The latest win 10 update makes a reg-edit the only way to kill Cortana now ).

This laptop will also come in handy for scrap booking and home publishing which are things she's quite active in.

I wanted to make sure we got a good quality laptop.  One that would meet her job requirements of having an on board DVD player with an HDMI out port.  It was revealed once we'd made the purchase that instead of the HDMI port she had insisted was essential it was in fact a two generations out of date VGA port to connect to her office provided projector.  I had to Google pictures of video connectors until she said "Yeah.  That's the HDMI connector I need." 

Fortunately it looks like an adapter to mate the laptop's Mini Display port to VGA will be a fairly easy fix.

This little rig is a real rip snorter.  We picked it up from Costo as a monthly special for $1000.  It's a 17.3" ASUS Republic Of Gamers 17.3" with 128 GB SSD plus a 1TB HD, 16GB memory as well as the NVIDIA GTX 1050 TI it's sporting. 

Even though that GPU will never get its legs fully stretched with Mrs mandru's planned usage (which is almost enough to make me envious  ) its size format and all the other features when compared to other systems available this one came in as the best deal we could find.


I was showing Mrs. mandru some of the features of the back lit keyboard that she hadn't noticed until I had her turn off the area lamp that illuminates our double desk setup.  She thought that was pretty cool.

While we were on the topic of the keyboard she'd commented that she could see the keys in the dark which struck me as odd so I asked Mrs mandru if she was a speed typist and she said "Oh no, I'm just a bit faster than hunt and peck but I notice there are times you really seem to fly over the keys when you get into something you're writing."

My reply to that was "Sometimes I can type at a good clip but then I typically have to spend half my time going back and correcting typos and wording, tenses and grammar.  You say you hunt and peck, I'd have to say my typing style is more based on Punt and Heck." 

[LowPolyOWG]

Does it come with RGB?

[Art Blade]

lol @ punt and heck vs hunt and peck

Basically you could punt and mash around on the keyboard with both hands (including palms) just to achieve an astounding word count per second. The only thing you'd need to do after composing your letter soup would be to delete the excess letters in and around the words you originally intended to type as well as to insert the mandatory few missing letters. Which supposedly is the heck part of the process. All of which would render you a hecker. I'd recommend chewing on a tennis ball to prevent you from producing intelligible curses. 

[LinkHero]

Ahh.. Art Blade, you crack me up. That was properly dardnaak.

(definition of dardnaak joke: Tell it to 32 people. If you have all teeth intact at the end, then the joke is NOT dardnaak)

[LinkHero]

This happened to me.

It was a normal day in the lab, where i was performing an experiment along with a couple of friends. This experiment involved spray-painting a thin aluminum sheet with white paint and making some spots on it using a black spray-paint can. Afterwards we were supposed to stretch it and take pictures of it to upload into the computer for processing.
So the lab in-charge is explaining the processing part of the experiment to us. He goes like,"We will assign the number "0" to white and because we are using a 8 bit encoding system, we will assign 255 to pure black."
Then a guy asked him,"What about the remaining numbers ??" Pretty much a legit query.
However, due to the way the head answered this, pretty much everyone within earshot is struggling to stay upright and serious, and our oblivious lab head has no idea what he said that was so funny.


This in-charge says,"These 254 numbers will be 254 shades of grey."

[Art Blade]

Ahh.. Art Blade, you crack me up. That was properly dardnaak.

(definition of dardnaak joke: Tell it to 32 people. If you have all teeth intact at the end, then the joke is NOT dardnaak)

Not sure what to make of that..