Jokes

[Art Blade]

what I found funny about the joke was that the punch line consisted of several punches. I kind of expected one, so that would have been sniffing the rear end of another dog, but then the surprise punch was that getting hit by a car which cracked me up

[nex]

So when is this "old enough to know better" supposed to kick in?

[Art Blade]

it probably kicked in the moment the car hit

[fragger]

Five stupid quickies:

A noise in the house woke me up last night. I got up, turned the light on and surprised a burglar.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"I'm looking for money", he replied.
"No worries", I said, putting on my dressing gown. "I'll help you look".

* * * * *

And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life".
But instead, John came fifth and won a set of steak knives.

* * * * *

My friend was on the other side of the river. He called out to me, "I need you to help me get to the other side".
I called back, "Mate, you're already on the other side".

* * * * *

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well.
I never knew they worked.

* * * * *

I asked my daughter to hand me my newspaper.
"Nobody uses newspapers anymore", she replied. "Here, use my iPad instead".
I don't know what all the subsequent screaming was about, because I well and truly clobbered that fly.

[PZ]

   3 of those were quite funny, fragger 

[Art Blade]

muahahaha, I expected that newspaper punch line in a way and damn, I really wish I could see that happen in real life

[nex]

Love them fragger   
I though the newspaper was going to be used for something else, and you only need about half a page anyway.............   

[LinkHero]

Recently I was going to the library with my 6 year old cousin, when we see two stray dogs humping on the road. As I discreetly try to steer him away from the scene, he spots those dogs and asks me," Bhaiya(local equivalent for brother), what are they doing ?"
Now I am at a crossroads as to what kind of white lie to tell him. While still in some thought, I vaguely said that the dog "on top" was teaching the other one something. So he is quiet for about ten minutes, and then he asks me if his mother is less educated than his father. I am not expecting this line of thinking, as both my uncle and aunt are dentists, and well known in their locality. So I reply in the negative and ask him why he thought of that.
The innocent bugger replies," Because Daddy often has to teach her like you showed me."
I believe someone walked into me because I stood there for about 15-17 minutes, just .... broken.
#truestory

[BinnZ]

 

[fragger]

  Yep, that would take some grappling with

[nex]

Oh boy! From the mouth of the infant........     

[nex]

Sorry Linkhero, but this just reminded me of a similar joke.

A soldier returned home on vacation and wanting to be alone with his wife
which he hadn't seen for 12 months, he told their 6y old son to go sit on the
front porch and count all the cars passing in front of their house until he was
called by either dad or mom and he'll be given 50c per car.
The couple had barely started when the kid walks into the room and
said, "dad, you humping mom's gonna cost you a lot, there's a funeral procession on it's way"!

[LowPolyOWG]

[Art Blade]

 

[PZ]