Jokes

[BinnZ]

 

[fragger]

 

[LinkHero]

Ahh, children amd their innocence, always drivimg adults up the wall...

[LinkHero]

A Maasai man walks into a bank in NAIROBI and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to DUBAI on business for four weeks and needs to borrow KSH 5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the maasai manhands over the keys to a brand new Mercedes Benz S class 500 parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the log book and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy agood laugh at the maasai for using a KSH 15 Million Mercedes Benz as collateral against a KSH5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Mercedes Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Four weeks later, the maasai returns, repays the KSH 5,000 and the interest, which comes to KSH.150.41. The loan officer says, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow 'KSH 5,000'. The Masai man replies: 'Where else in NAIROBI can I park my car for four weeks for only KSH 150.41 and expect it to be there when I return???.... Who said Masai's are not smart upstairs??

[fragger]

 

Clever man!

[Art Blade]

oh. for some reason I had missed that joke.

yep, that's a good one

[LinkHero]

Some horrendous quickies.....
* * * * *
I wonder why the baseball was getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
* * * * *
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet ??
Because they lactose.
* * * * *
Why did the EMTs travel in groups of two ??
Because they wanted to be pair-a-medics.
* * * * *
I couldn't set Twilight as my password.
Too many useless characters.
* * * * *

[Art Blade]

lack toes 

[fragger]

  I like the Twilight one

[LinkHero]

Some facts:
1. Disney owns Marvel.
2. Marvel owns Thor.
3. Thor is a child of a king.
4. In an issue, Thor was shown to be female. (Earth-616 Multiverse, for the Marvel geeks.)
Conclusion:
Thor is a Disney Princess.



In hindsight, I probably just ruined Thor: Ragnarok for some people.

[PZ]

 

[Art Blade]

 

[nex]

The hole truth:

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, the husband drove down to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it."

"This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys."

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket."

Later, when I was about three streets from the store, I got a flat tyre."

"When I finally got to the store, a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the damn phone never stopped ringing."

He continued, "Then I had to break open a roll of coins against the cash register drawer to give change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins and the phone was still ringing.

"When I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with bottles of expensive perfumes on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer."

"And believe me, scout's honour - all I did was tell her."

[LinkHero]

 
The "Hole" truth,indeed

[BinnZ]

 

On a side note, Art: I don't remember where you posted the link about that old coffee threat, but I read it and it's bloody damn good. For those who didn't yet, here's the link, enjoy

Hehe I posted it in the No Man's Sky topic but hey, I re-posted the whole thing just now, see post below /Art